Most,
if not all of us, care about what others think of us. It is natural that we
should wish for others to like us, including those who work for us. For that
reason, many managers feel an inner need to be popular with their team. Almost
all people share a common need for approval. It started as young children, when
we felt the need for parent approval. And then, during school life, we wanted
our classmates to accept and like us. By the time that we reach adulthood, we
have a deeply embedded need for others to like us. The inherent need for
approval leads many managers to try too hard to be popular and that eventually
creates problems. You do not have to be remote and cold, but you must find the right
balance between friendly and cool; you need a balance that fits with your own
personality and with your particular management role. The first potential
pitfall is concerning trust. For example, consider this situation which you may
have already experienced. Your boss asks if you had a great weekend. You reply
and exchange a few brief words before moving on to talking about work.
Being
polite is definitely preferable to being rude or uncivil, so you welcome your
boss’s approach. However, there is a difference between genuine interest and
mere polite conversation. You have no difficulty discerning if your boss is genuinely
interested in you or merely being polite. We make these judgments without
conscious effort, and our brain communicates its decision to us instantly,
experienced as gut feelings. Almost all adults are smart enough to see through
managers who attempt to ingratiate themselves. At first, the team appreciates
that the manager is making an effort to win their approval. But soon, when the
manager is displaying symptoms of insincerity, the team starts to become
suspicious. Suspicion is very close to mistrust and nobody gives their best for
someone they do not trust.
The
second pitfall concern manipulation. When things go wrong, and the manager’s behavior
suddenly switches from being over-friendly to over-cold, the sharp contrast
leads some people to view the manager as insincere, two-faced, uncaring and
manipulative. This reaction is not necessarily justified, but that’s how many
people react. You don’t want your team to class you as manipulative. The third
pitfall concerns making enemies out of friends. When one team member is a genuine
close friend of the manager, eventually, the inevitable happens. Every manager
has to occasionally impose an unpopular measure, or deliver a harsh review of
performance. Or even worse, the manager must handle a situation when a team
member has done something seriously wrong. The manager must discipline that
person; even warn them that their
actions could lead to dismissal. If the disciplining manager and the
employee at fault are close friends, this adds an unpredictable dimension to
the problem. The employee often feels unjust and undue resentment that cannot
be resolved. Close friends torn apart by conflict often become enemies, and you
definitely don’t want to create an enemy within your team.
The
fourth pitfall concerns apparent favouritism. The team will assume, rightly or
wrongly, that a member of the team who enjoys a close personal relationship
with their manager is receiving favours and privileges denied to other team
members. This equally well liked. They start devoting more time to ingratiating
themselves with their boss than to doing
their job. Others react by becoming surly, remote and uncooperative. Both
reaction kill productivity and make life at work unpleasant.
The
solution to these pitfalls is to be polite, professional and even-handed. Never
feign friendliness or interest. Gain respect by consistently doing your best to
be a good leader. Over the long haul, people will respect you for this and and
follow your lead. Every manager is called upon to be unpopular for some of the
time. It goes with the job. However, although you cannot always be popular, you
can always be respected, which matter much, much more
